MINI-VAN ANGEL, I THANK YOU!

I wanted to say THANK YOU to the angel who drove the mini van and parked in front of my house, walked to my front door,  and knocked.  I wasn't strong enough to answer the door, but just hearing the knock, got me out of the drama triangle.  I realized I wasn't alone.  God had sent someone again.  I am not alone.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/meme-jesus-door-knock-1231836?lang=eng

I Cry Out to Heaven to Get Me Through Hell

"Walk On" by Kellie Coffey

It came out of nowhere
Dropped like a stone 
Careless betrayal
I could not believe it 
I feel abandoned
Where did it all go wrong? 
Truth hit my blind-spot
I could not see it
I cry out to heaven to get me through hell 
In the meantime I just keep tellin' myself 
Walk on 
Walk on 
Don't let this sad set-back break me 
Walk on
Walk on 
See where this detour will take me 
Well I've been beaten down on the ground 
But i'll pick myself up and dust-off 
And walk on 
Sun sets behind me and all that's ahead 
Is a long stretch of road 
God knows where it's going 
Cryin' comes easy out here in the dark 
'Cause the hardest part is the fear of not knowin' 
I ain't got nothin' left that I could lose 
The only thing that i know I can do 
Walk on 
Walk on 
Don't let this sad set-back break me 
Walk on
Walk on 
See where this detour will take me 
Well I've been beaten down on the ground 
But I'll pick myself up and dust-off 
And walk on

Mindfullness

"We change in an environment of compassion and acceptance

 and the biggest environment we live is our own brain" 

-Unknown

Tools I use for mindfulness:

#1. Meditation

At the beginning of my recovery a therapist recommended this app.

It helped me tremendously to learn how to identify what I was feeling. I also used this website. 

#2. Self Compassion Letters

Instructions HERE

#3. Breathing techniques

Breathe in for four seconds and then breathe out for four seconds.

Breathe in for eight seconds hold for four seconds and then breath out for eight seconds.

#4. Yoga

It's powerful. No need to say more.  

Walking into a Tree

From three weeks ago:

Today I was feeling flooded by strong emotions.   I had reached out to friends,  but still was feeling uneasy.   Then I think my Father wanted to send me a tender mercy.

I walked into a tree.

I was looking down at my phone and CRASH.  It was a little painful and to be honest it scared me to death.  After the initial shock I starting laughing at myself and then looked up.

****Beautiful & GORGEOUS BLOSSOMS***

They have become my recovery symbol of GROWTH, NEW LIFE,  and HOPE. 

Feeling emotions of anxiety,  restlessness,  and the unknown are overwhelming, but they are ok.  

I went to a fireside lately where a man struggling with an addiction said: 

  "I had to learn how to be ok with not being ok. "  

Read more about his story here: http://www.ashlynnandcoby.com/story/

 I have learned how to be ok with not being ok.  I do this by acknowledging and accepting ALL emotions,  reaching out, doing self care,  and then I surrender.

I do know that Christ and my friends are sitting with me  and that the power of hope can secure me enough to be able to surrender everything over to my Father.  He knows what he is doing.

He will never fail me.

The tree I ran into. 

Keep Paddling

I was baffled by a story I heard last week while visiting the Grand Canyon.  A blind man had kayaked 277 miles of the Colorado River!  A blind man!  I couldn't get this image out of my mind days after hearing the story.  It resonated with me and my recovery. Here is the story:

http://www.touchthetop.com/blog/kayaking-blind-2429

I have felt surrounded by chaos

I have felt knocked down by the rapids

I have felt like I was drowning

I have felt pummled

I have felt defeated at times

I have felt the flickering of my internal light

I have felt restless

I have felt the need to get back up

I have felt the resisting branches scratching at me and the arduous task of the hike back up to face  the rapids again

I have felt that internal light grow and propel me forward

I have felt loved by the cheers of my support team

I have felt "a depth and richness of adventure, friendship, love, beauty, joy and purpose that cannot be experienced in any other way"

I have felt "equipped with an outstanding team of friends and guides"

"Commit, let go, and have faith you will emerge on the other side stronger. . .Wrestle with your own important and difficult choices; employ your open-heart policy and trust that you will ride that storm towards a new and beautiful and unexpected place. And most importantly, believe that what is inside you is stronger than the challenges in your way, and commit to growing that internal light. No matter what our background, ability, or circumstances, we have much to contribute, and we owe it to our families, our teams, and most importantly to ourselves. So keep paddling and allow your light to shine. " -Erik Weihenmayer